Waking from a Rip van Winkle dream one is astounded to find a klutch of dwarves running around the political landscape in an unmitigated chaos. Gathered about the feet of Donald J Trump and reaching almost to his knees they are milling about in confusion like the Keystone cops or a Lilliputian fire drill. Trump towers above these midgets like Goya’s colossus, or Saturn eating his son. And, as is his due, the dwarves fear Trump and defer to him — in fact their debate and conversation becomes inhibited when he is on the stage. The latest Faux News debate, which Trump skipped, hurt their TV ratings but at least left some oxygen in the room. Naturally the dwarves didn’t know what to do with it, but that’s nothing new. They haven’t known what to do with any space they have been given by Trump (not much). With each appearance the dwarves get smaller and smaller and less important. The Iowa caucuses has offered them some respite. We shall see what they do with it in New Hampshire.
This farce has prompted me to question the entire venture. What are those dwarves doing there for God’s sake? I mean, I know that Ted Cruz is doing it for the glory of God, but for God’s sake, what are the others doing it for? So I have decided to analyze the motives and purposes of those dwarves trailing in the Trump’s wake like rocks and ice after a comet.
Let us dispose of the most unworthy candidates first. It is difficult to find a candidate more cynical and despicable than Carly Fiorina. She might as well be carrying a sign: for hire. She is in this mud fight to get back into circulation — probably in any context, corporate, think tank, vice-president or some government job. She is not so stupid as to think she could actually be a contender for the presidency. She proved that was not possible with her losing race in California. All she has proved is that she can lie like a pro and she has a tongue sharper than a serpent’s tooth. For amusement, one of her quotes --”I went toe to toe with Donald Trump and cut his balls off like a surgeon.” She also claimed to have seen a video of a fully formed baby, its heart beating, lying on a table before being thrown in the trash. (Needless to say this is a figment of her imagination. She hasn’t seen any such thing, but such inflammatory statements serve to keep the know-nothing base agitated.) She is an unmitigated bitch. It would be a colossal pain to see her as the vice presidential nominee, aesthetic moral and political.
Some of the dwarves are just pitiful. When Trump finessed the last Iowa debate because he was afraid Meghan Kelly would get menstrual blood on him he invited Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum to appear on stage at his alternate event. Two men trailing the caboose trying to catch a ride, their hour past and done. Running about the ankles of the Colossus like court jesters. What are they doing on the primary stage? They are so far out of contention they should be ashamed to be humiliated.
Why are they still in it? Well they are, first of all, like all politicians, shameless. And like tireless self-promoters they are going to flog this opportunity for free publicity until they are ejected by the Repubtilian Party or run out of money. So essentially Santorum and Huckabee are staying in the field in order to promote their books seminars and speaking gigs. They survived in the 2012 primaries because the field was so laughable that year. In this field there are actual contenders. (Laughable contenders, but serious enough to distract Republican primary voters.)
Something like the same might be said for Ben Carson who thinks being qualified to do brain surgery qualifies him to be president. This is because he twitted the President to his face and someone said, “Hey, he could be president. And ecco! He’s a black Republican.” There may be some basis for thinking that Carson is doing it to sell books — especially since he suspended his campaign to do a book tour. There is also some basis for thinking he doesn’t know what he is doing.
What made Rand Paul think that he could add other issues to his portmanteau of libertarian crank issues and seriously contend with serious policy wonks like Donald Trump and Jeb? Bush? It just goes to prove that the zika presidential virus can bite anyone. And anyone can lose his head when a stampede starts. Even when he is trying to advance an idea.
Then there are those who are sponsored, like Marco Rubio – and is running because he doesn’t know what else to do and is being paid. He is pure and simple a front man for large right wing interests. And if elected he would be a responsible puppet for those interests.
Why is Ted Cruz running? For the greater glory of God.
Kasich is running on the off chance that everybody else might fall in a manhole and leave him to stroll into the nomination. Plain old presidential greed explains his motivation. Nobody knows what explains Jim Gilmore’s presence.
If Gilmore’s motivation is unseeable, Trump’s is unmissable. An ego as large as the Ritz. Flattered by a world-class case of narcissism. Of course, incidentally, it might all be a brand building exercise.
Most pitiful of all, he who was supposed to ride his chariot into the center of Rome while the plebeians cheered: Jeb? Bush was supposed to be entitled. Presidencies run in his family so naturally he is next. Duty. Honor. Patriotism. Bull shit. Even respectful plebians can’t choke down another Bush?.